I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
