The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
