ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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