I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
