I want to have your abortion
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
