It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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