grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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