Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
