i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Still dying that you shit outside
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
