you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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