what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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