i think i have herpe
just one?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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