Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
