erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
