Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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