I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
