My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I got inside last night via doggy door
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
