Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
