so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
