So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
