If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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