everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
