I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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