he puts the penis in happiness.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
