12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
