He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
