Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
