Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
