if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
my phone needs a breathalizer
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
