Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Found the puke drawer
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
