If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Someone signed my nipple.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
