Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
