We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
