So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
