if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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