Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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