Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
