The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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