that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
