Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
