A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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