Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
