im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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