I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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