I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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