i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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