On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
