I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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