I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
