do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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