Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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