the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You ruined the universe
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
