Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
