My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
